My Annihilation by Fuminori Nakamura

Author:Fuminori Nakamura
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
Publisher: Soho Press
Published: 2021-12-10T15:38:30+00:00

I don’t remember much of what came next. The carpeting of my apartment soaked up the smell of alcohol. I think I spent a lot of time sitting on park benches. Took satisfaction sitting between those two posts, set into the earth. I never wanted to move again, so I stopped moving. That is, until security came by and made me leave. All I can remember clearly is the time I went by Wakui’s café. Seeing her like that, wearing an apron, hair up and smiling as she worked, I nearly collapsed. I had a hard time standing and grabbed the rusted guard rail with my right hand. It took a while for me to notice I was crying.

This was my punishment for trying to change a person’s past. My punishment for turning against the gods. I walked up a little farther and vomited on the ground, reminded all too keenly of how much I had loved her. She had appeared out of nowhere and become my everything. This level of affection was a first. For as long as I lived, I knew that I would writhe in agony imagining the humble, peaceful life she and Wakui had discovered, with images of her and Wakui making love assailing me at frequent intervals.

I choked on my own vomit. The pain turned into pleasure and enveloped me. Glad my sorry ass was dying, then and there. Glad to never breathe again. Glad to fall down crying, soaked with puke, be done with it.

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